God and Lawn Care … or is it "Dumb and Dumber"???

God and Lawn Care
     
           GOD:
         Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world
     is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the
     dandelions, violets,  milkweeds  and stuff I started eons ago? I had
     a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type
     of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from
     the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks
     of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But,
     all I see are these green rectangles.
     
          St. FRANCIS:
          It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They
     started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to
     kill them and replace them with grass.
     
          GOD:
          Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t
     attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s
     sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that
     grass growing there?
     
          ST. FRANCIS:
          Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep
     it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning
     any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
     
          GOD:
          The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow
     really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
     
          ST. FRANCIS:
          Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut
     it-sometimes twice a week.
     
          GOD:
         They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
     
          ST. FRANCIS:
          Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
     
          GOD:
          They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
     
          ST. FRANCIS:
          No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
     
          GOD:
          Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will
     grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it
     away?
     
          ST. FRANCIS:
          Yes, Sir.
     
          GOD:
          These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut
     back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth
     and saves them a lot of work.
     
          ST. FRANCIS:
          You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops
     growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it,
     so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
     
          GOD:
          What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a
     sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves
     in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the
     autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep
     moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural
     cycle of life.
     
          ST. FRANCIS:
          You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new
     circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles
     and pay to have them hauled away.
     
          GOD:
          No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the
     winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
     
          ST. FRANCIS:
          After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something
     which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in
     place of the leaves.
     
          GOD:
          And where do they get this mulch?
          ST. FRANCIS:
          They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
     
          GOD:
          Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine,
     you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us  tonight?
     
          ST. CATHERINE:
          ‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story about….
         GOD:
          Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.