Notmilk – Today’s Notmilk Column is Rated R
Dear Notmilk reader,
If you are easily offended by the combination of
sex and science, please push the delete button now.
Good. Whosover remains, I am about to put a big
smile on your naughty vegan face…
* * * * * * * * * *
Yesterday (January 12, 2011) I wrote a Vitamin B-12
column which resulted in hundreds of emails. What
In addition to the usual frogs, snails, and puppy dogs
tails, what are little boys made of? What exactly is in
semen? Ten percent of semen consists of sperm cells, up to
500 million per ejaculate. It takes only one sperm cell to
fertilize an egg. I often wonder why the other 499,999,999
What constitutes the other 90% of semen? In addition to
enormous amounts of vitamins, enzymes, and amino acids,
semen contains up to 20 times the level of Vitamin B-12 as
does human blood serum. Vaginal fluids contain a similar
makeup, rich in B-12.
Scientists were aware of this information decades ago, but
had no socially-tactful means to transmit this information
to the lay person. (Yes, I know, you simply adore my use of
the English language).
As early as March of 1984, Carmel Bernstein and a team of
investigators published evidence in the Journal of Clinical
Investigations (73;3, Vitamin B-12 in human seminal plasma)
revealing that blood has one-tenth the amount of B-12 as
does male semen.
Eight years later, the Scandanavian Journal of Clinical
Laboratory Investigations (Hansen, 1992 Nov;52(7):647- 52)
determined that B-12 levels in human semen run as high as 20
times that of blood. Similar amounts of B-12 have been found
in vaginal secretions.
Many humans, enamored by the artificial chemicals contained in
soaps, perfumes, and colognes have an aversion to oral sex
because of the taste or smell. Can such a dislike of natural
body odors ever be justified? Absolutely.
Long ago, in the days before artificial modern-day perfumes
and deodorants were used to mask human odors, people savored
body smells. Don Juan would keep handkerchiefs under his
armpits and wave them in front of ladies’ noses. That action
was designed to bring them to arousal from his own natural
essences and bouquet which contained pheromones, chemicals
containing natural sexual messengers that communicate
instinctual feelings shared by all mammals. Truth revealed:
Why does a male dog mount and hump a human female leg,
thrusting his pelvis as if in the act of copulation? It’s
not because he smells your puppy, ladies. It’s because he
smells your very own pheromones which trigger a genetically
pre-determined fixed action pattern in Fido’s brain.
On to the olfactory bouquet from your own essences…
Dairy farmers know that if their cows eat onions or garlic
less than 30 minutes before milking, those powerfully
offensive smells will be included in their body secretions
which are then transmitted to their milk. A similar event
occurs with human body fluids. You are what you eat. Deer
know when meat-eating humans walk into the woods. Vegans
have a way with denizens of the forest. Vegans do not eat
other living creatures. Deer can tell by human smells. So
can dogs and other mammals possessing keener olfactory
senses than humans.
For many years, non dairy-using Japanese people called
Americans “butter-people, ” for the rancid smell that
would seep out of our pores. I can smell butter people.
I am amazed at the number of people calling themselves
vegan who are actually dairy users. I can smell the
aftermath of pizza 24 hours after a vegan eats one by
his or her offensive odor. The mozzarella turns rancid
from within. Its smell lingers on a user’s breath.
Milk the cow and get the garlic or onion milk. Milk
the human and get Kentucky-fried chicken essence.
Humans who eat meat ingest large amounts of sulfur-based
amino acids. That is one of the qualities of meat protein.
The sulfur becomes a part of their own smell and taste. Eat
large amounts of methionine and you’ll taste quite rancid.
I have met many vegans who relate anecdotal evidence of how
other vegans make better lovers because they “taste better.”
Where are Masters and Johnson when you need them? The good
that comes from this column will result in two lovers
enjoying a large meal of fresh pineapple before their next
bout of foreplay. Gourmets and epicurians of the world,
unite. Your next dose of love will contain the best vitamin
pill in the world. Was it Mary Poppins who sang, “Just a
spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down”?
Remember, for B-12, make love, and do so in good taste.